I’m going in…

I’ve spent the morning cross-legged under my letterbox, awaiting a delivery from the postman.

It's all the words that are putting me off...

It’s all the words that are putting me off…

And lo! Said delivery finally dropped onto the doormat (Inevitably just after I’d given up hope and left my vantage point in favour of Facebook.)

The first, long-awaited copy of Me After You, my memoir about life since Mark’s death.

Thing is, I hardly dare open it.

It’s all the words that are contained within it that are putting me off – the ones which raged from my broken heart onto the keyboard over five fraught months. They’re as precious to me as little pearls, those words; they are fierce, tender, raw, profane, downright dirty in parts.

But most importantly they are truthful, which is all I really wanted from them in the first place.

But what if they don’t look right? What if, now they’re out there, you don’t like them, or the calamitous tale they recount?

The book has been a labour of love. It has permitted me to spend time with my husband every day, to exhume Him and all the memories that go with Him.

It is also proof that if you believe in and love something passionately enough, with all of your heart and every sinew, you can achieve anything.

Ah fuck it. Mark, pet – this is for you. I’m going in…

26 thoughts on “I’m going in…

  1. That moment of releasing the thing that you have poured your heart and soul into, to be set free into the unknown wilds… bloody terrifying! I feel like that about my chocolates ffs so a raw memoir… You’re a valiant woman Lucie, and your words will make the world of difference to whomsoever chooses to read them. You’ll do Him, You (because you deserve a capital too!) and Bea proud xx

  2. oh, Lucie,

    I can well understand how at first blush you have had mixed feelings. glad you wrote about those niggling thoughts, but even more I am glad you conquered them. Well done! your labor of love is going to be such a huge help for so many of us; your writing is superb, you raw candor so engaging, and where you have been to, to where you are now will give so much hope and inspiration to others – just as your blog does. love you, Karen xoxo

  3. Fantastic to see all your hard work getting the recognition it deserves, enjoy the feeling of seeing your name on Amazon lists!! Lots of love from a fellow WAY blogger xxxx

      • Just this minute finished it. You did a grand job! A very powerful read indeed. Of it all, it was the belly button fluff that did for me in the early hours, and it is an image that will stay with me because it’s one of the things about my husband that is so, everyday, I suppose (I’d be wondering what had become of the knitting hamster that MUST be responsible for it). I absolutely love the idea of the wood, I hope it happens, it seems that it would be such a testiment to your love. I am so sorry He’s gone, but I hope that you find real and lasting happiness, you bloody well deserve it. xx

      • AWWWWWWWW! You’ve been such a lovely supportive friend throughout all this Pru, it makes me beam to read that message. I’m so happy to receive your lovely comments and very much appreciate you buying, reading and finishing the book in record time! Hopefully one day we might meet – and I can try some of these chocolates you keep Tweeting about! Much much love and gratitude, Me x

  4. I’m going in…. and welling up at the same time. Thank you for putting it all into words. It’s going to resonate I’m sure… x

  5. I bought and read this book today. I couldn’t put it down. Thank you so much for this Lucie. This story is also my story. It helps to know I am not alone.

  6. Thank you for being able to express in words so much of what I am currently going through and making me not feel as if I am alone. Having just lost the love of my life in March this year it’s still very raw…. I have learnt that everything I am going through is quite normal, if one can say this is normal. Mich

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