English: A postcard from 1919, with artwork of Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Those in search of a little post-Christmas pep, please refer to another website. Possibly that of hardy pep-perennial Noel Edmunds, or anyone from Steps. This post is for curmudgeons only, so if that’s you, pull up a chair.
The Big Day is over, and thanks to good friends, five kids, three dogs and Tesco’s wine department, I’m out the other side.
I’m not going to lie – in those moments when I allowed thoughts of my husband to seep in, it was tough, especially as I spent the day within the Instagrammed glow of my oldest friend’s beautiful and very much intact family. Me, my daughter and the dog, amid what ‘should have been’.
I found myself gazing at my friend’s husband as he set about the tasks of a family Christmas – placing a Santa-sized footprint on the hearth, filming the kids as they opened their gifts, painting the new guinea pig hutch, responding patiently to the incessant calls of Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
My heart ached for Mark, for all that He was missing – most notably the look of delight on our daughter’s face when she opened the most repulsive present ever conceived – a shitting daschund toy by the name of ‘Doggy Doo’. But also all the feasting and the festivities, which were the aspects of life He loved most.
At one point, glassy-eyed and full of fizz, I grabbed hold of my friend’s husband and snivelled into his neck. It took me another flute of champers and a bout of Michael Buble-inspired mirth to pull myself round.
I’m bobbing along on the surface of the season like one of those turds that won’t flush, and still have a New Year and the 39th birthday of my husband to contemplate before I can fully relax into the countdown to the second anniversary of His death.
I did tell you to refer to Noel.
Wife After Death 
Ha! I may as well just say ditto ditto ditto and a huge well done for getting through it. But also how great that you have a friend who let you share her family Christmas (and her husband’s neck!..steady on..). I don’t think I’ve any friends..fab as they might be at times..willing to share all those special Christmas Eve/morning moments with me and my kids. Good luck with the coming days (personally I’m lining up a good book and a bottle of port for the party-fest known as NY Eve). If it helps to think if other widows to get through it then I don’t mind one bit and I’m sure the others out there won’t either.
Keep going….
Zoe xx
Ha ha! Yes, I agree there aren’t many who would share those things, especially with a potentially miserable widow, apt to snivelling all over the place (including on husband’s neck…) I’m now steeling myself for the next hurdle – i.e. tonight. I’ll be thinking of you, getting comfort from knowing I’m not alone… Much love. xx
I’m a curmudgeon, so definitely in the right place.
I spent Xmas morning by myself for the first time and it was ok – gave me time to think about G and remember better times. It’s just as well really as when I got to my parents for lunch there was no mention of him; no toast to ‘absent friends’. They didn’t want to upset me!! And to cap it all my 70 yo mother was upset yesterday (crying no less) because there hadn’t been a present addressed only for her (my sister and I bought my parents a joint present). I now don’t know what to say to her as I would give everything I own to have G back and she’s upset because my dad didn’t gift wrap the present she chose for herself ffs! Talk about priorities!
I’m so pleased you have such great friends who I’m sure took your wobble in their stride. Thankfully there’s only 4 more days then all this forced happiness and festive cheer gets put away for another 12 month. Love & hugs as always xxx
Actually it’s interesting, as I have had no real time alone over this period and was thinking last night it might be quite nice – a period of reflection, away from the ‘forced happiness’ as you put it. And interesting also how warped other people’s priorities become when you have our perspective on things. Let’s keep bobbing alone together…Much love. (and good luck tonight). x
Hope you get through tonight ok. I’m staying home alone, by choice (although I’m Scottish I hate all the fake NYE cheer) and will be opening some champagne to toast G and all my fellow widows out there in the ether. I have loved reading your blog and you have helped me get through some tough spots this year. So, thank you so much for that. I can’t say have a happy new year, but know I’ll be thinking of you. Love & hugs xxxx
Welcome to 2014 friend. And thank you for the love and support. I look forward to continuing to support each other through the next 12 months… Much love and courage. X
I’m not familiar with Noel Edmunds so I Googled him. The second link down was titled “Noel Edmunds. Has He Gone Nuts?” Thought I should probably go no farther. I am more familiar with the term curmudgeon as it is a dominant family trait-widespread but not sure if by nurture or nature. Whelp you’ve almost made it through your year of “firsts” and I for one am proud of you. Grief is a difficult journey that is unique to the individual. It’s all perspective-You may feel like the “turd” that won’t flush (Lovely imagery by the way =) Are you familiar with Mr Hankey the Christmas poo?) but I’ll choose to think of you as the “turd” that refused to drown! Ho Ho Ho…toilet humor…will the fun never end? Hang in there hon!
That comment really made me laugh. I like the thought of being the turd that refused to drown. I may insist on it being on my gravestone, in fact. Ha ha! (And re: Noel Edmunds, he is entirely bonkers, so probably best you read no further 😉 ) Much love and thanks for the continuing support. X
Well done Lucie. God knows u deserve a medal. I struggled thro my first Xmas without Ian but if i’d been thrown into other ‘whole family’ gatherings I’d have fell apart. I feel Xmas day was a blur. I opened prosecco at 10am. Adding orange juice to make everyone think it was ok to start this early because it had vitamin C. Don’t know how else I’d have got thro the day. Thank god it’s over ! Roll on New Year’s Eve. Can’t even think about how I’m gonna get thro that ! Any advice ? Apart from our obvious choice Gotta meet up in 2014 love n hugs Xxx
No advice Lynne, I’ll ask the same question of you! I think we have to just put our heads down and plough on, as ever. But knowing that New Year’s day isn’t going to bring about some magical shift in how we feel – it’s a new year, but still no husband, right? Prosecco sounds like the way forward. (With added orange juice for the vits, obvs!) XXX
Just popping by to say you’re in my thoughts an extra bit today. Bottoms up xx
Honestly, thank you so much for remembering Mark’s birthday. It means so much. It was an emotional, yet strangely uplifting day, spent with three close friends of Mark’s. But your thoughts mean a lot. X
dear lucie,
just want you to know I am thinking of you, sending oceans of love and warm hugs. xoxo, karen
Karen, what can I say? Today’s post dedicated to the likes of you! Your thoughts and virtual ‘hugs’ mean so much. Hoping you are doing OK, dear friend. XXX