Hunter-gatherer

NigelCarry_2102807c

This is not our doctor friend

Conversations with our doctor friend usually start with, ‘Could you just have a look at this rash?”

However the other night, when he joined us for a glass of wine after another gruelling shift,  I asked: ‘Working such long hours, do you miss spending time with your son?’

The answer was of course, yes.

But, he said, he is ‘programmed’ to provide for the family; for him, this involves long hours and therefore affective impulses must be muted.

Perhaps this is true of many men – they have an ’emotional stop’ button of sorts which prevents them from breaking down whenever they have to leave their kids to go away on business. Female friends who are mothers and career-women  inevitably end up making sacrifices with work (part-time hours, early finishes) in order to assuage the guilt they feel at having to leave their offspring with aged Aunt Maude for the rest of the week.

This is a generalisation of course, but in the realms of my own experience, it’s absolutely true.

I palpitate if I have to leave my daughter overnight, whereas M went off to Australia for two weeks with work, waving His cork hat behind Him. He may have wept into His Vegemite sandwiches whilst He was over there, but if He did, He never let on.

Another great sorrow, then, that I feel on His behalf. He too was ‘programmed’ to provide, a role which was so important to Him, especially when our daughter was born. I know He it would break His heart to think He’d left us to fend for ourselves (no matter how capable we are of doing it.)

So here we are, rattling about in this little house of ours, carrying on as best we can. I just hope He ain’t looking down.

Anyway, back to this rash…

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4 thoughts on “Hunter-gatherer

  1. He is looking down with pride and amazement. So proud that YOU were the one to become mother of his child. Amazement at the strength, stamina, and determination you deliver as the mother of his beloved child. I believe he would be smiling and thinking, “Those are MY girls!”
    You’re doing just fine, my friend. Do not put yourself down or sell yourself short. THAT would be what hurts him most.

      • Honestly, do you believe he could think anything LESS than what I said? Let your heart be lighter knowing he sees only the best in you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have selected you to be his “one”. Or look at it like this: IF he were standing face to face RIGHT NOW, and you were to mention…’ it would break His heart to think He’d left us to fend for ourselves (no matter how capable we are of doing it.)…’ would he take that as an insult? He might…because when he found his life’s happiness with you, he probably related to you merely because you were a reflection of himself AND he selected you for the strength he admires in you, that perhaps he felt a little short of personally. You were a provider/hunter/gatherer for him as much as he was for you and the child. Don’t forget that there was a lot at work in the cosmos to bring you two together….Puleeeze don’t ask me to prove it! (((HUGS)))

      • Hi Morguie, Have been reflecting on your comment this morning and I guess I hadn’t looked at it like that – myself as hunter gatherer too. I suppose I am transposing my assumptions onto him and I guess you’re right – he might well be insulted. And I like the thought of the cosmos working to bring us to together – and I won’t ask you to prove it! Hugs back XX

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