And golden leaf-flurries and abundant hedgerows notwithstanding, I am really missing Him at the minute.
It’s been a gruelling couple of weeks and I need His opinion on things. He countered my skewed world-view with His own skewed world-view, thus producing one perfectly balanced individual.
When you’ve had ten years of living side-by-side with someone – farting, burping, giving birth in their presence – it is impossible to reconcile the fact that they are suddenly no longer there. Entire chapters of your life are swallowed up in that furnace at the crematorium. Exclusive vocabulary, mannerisms, points of reference, all gone up in smoke.
I actually went to tell Him something the other day, unable to staunch the flow of the first few words before they came out.
“Remember: ‘Did you drawed that’…?” I began. (It was a line from this book, right, and… ahh, forget it.)
But I was talking into the wind. Of course, He wasn’t there.
Generally, we agreed on stuff, so I think I know what His counsel would be relating to issues of the day. (Although not the sexual allure of Jenny Agutter. We never saw eye-to-eye on that.) And besides, I have a raft of other counsellors now, from my Counsellor with the capital ‘C’, to my friends, family and the odd individual who pipes in with an opinion every now and again. But that voice – His voice – is conspicuous by its silence.
So here I am, perched on my side of life’s see-saw looking up at the empty space where my foil should be.
At least the weather’s good though, right?