An Argument for Staying Drunk

"The Hangover" (Portrait of Suzanne ...

“The Hangover” (Portrait of Suzanne Valadon) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Which joy-killing bastard invented hangovers?

Drinking is one of my favourite pastimes, one of life’s great pleasures, yet for some reason I am punished for it, horribly, the morning after.

Actually, I rarely suffer from them anymore (presumably my body has acclimatised to its post-spousal-death increased alcoholic intake), but today I genuinely considered asking the emergency services to come and administer something to make it all stop.

The usual alcohol-induced physiological atrocities were present, but I found that in addition to the sweating, the loose bowel and the retching, I was gripped with terror about the fate of my husband. In my paranoid, palpitating state, the fact that He was no longer alive seemed even more absurd, more obscene, more unbearable. I had to repeat the mantra, ‘M is dead’ in my head in order to believe that it had really happened.

I lay on the sofa while Saint Dick van Dyke entertained my daughter (by virtue of appearing in one of the longest, most convoluted children’s films of all time, he provided me with an extra three hours in which to get my shit together), but I could neither close my eyes nor keep them open, so I held them at a squint whilst I contemplated the fact that He had really gone.

M was the type of person you wanted around on a hangover. He took no pleasure in making smug jibes if I’d over-imbibed. Instead, He’d make me a bacon butty, give me a paracetamol and rub my feet.

Alcohol anesthetises against the sharper jags of grief, but lack of it the next morning brings reality into starker relief.

Abstention is not currently an option. Perhaps the answer is to stay drunk…

12 thoughts on “An Argument for Staying Drunk

  1. The night my husband died people brought wine. I drank until I passed out and haven’t dared to drink since other than an occasional water downed something or other. And only one. I miss our evening cocktails. Mine was vodka tonic and his was Southern Comfort on the rocks.

    • I miss ‘cocktail hour’ too. I’d see the tail-lights from his car reversing into the garage and pour us both our drinks – him a Guinness, me a red wine. Hope you’re doing OK… X

  2. Stayin drunk is the way forward. Just back from Mexico where I still managed to pick up your posts but hotel wifi was shite and when I tried to leave comments it threw me out. Anyway I’d just like to say thanks for keepin me entertained on my hols. Your feelings are like a mirror to me. You were right there were lots of tears. I thought I’d be safe goin to Mexico as Ian and I hadn’t been. No such luck !! I sobbed uncontrollably when the plane took off as I could almost feel him holding my hand and when I turned to look it was Chelsea who’s eyes were also fit to burst. From then on that was the theme for the holiday. For some reason memories of all the hospital visits and the constant bad news we were given kept flooding my brain at random times. Not even granting me the privacy of being alone. Sometimes it was when we were out having lunch or dinner and I couldn’t understand why. Anyway it’s over we survived ! Now it feels more strange as I feel more alone as Chels went straight round her boyfriends never to be seen again leaving me with a much grown boisterous devil dog. I swear he’s grown horns whilst I’ve been away. I took him for a walk yesterday afternoon that’s not even that pleasurable with him he just bit the lead all the way and kept lying down. I’ll try again today hopefully where there’s not many people. I’m plannin on visitin Rachael sometime in next 2 weeks before she’s off to sunny climes. Well I must get my sorry ass outta bed as my head is pounding requiring hydration after a bottle and a half of prosecco don’t know why I left the other half it’ll be flat today. Doesn’t really bother me. I’ll add soda to liven it up. May even have it with breakfast and pretend I’m still on holiday. Hope to see u soon. Take care and keep going xxx

    • Hey Lynne, glad you’re back and commenting again, I’ve miss ya! I understand completely how you felt being away, as I said, it was exactly the same range of emotions for me. Been thinking about your comment regarding your feelings mirroring mine – I appreciate that so much as it makes this whole shit feel less isolating. We have to keep supporting each other. Hope to catch up soon. And preserve with devil dog… XX

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