ROFL!!!! (credit:

I was in London for a few days earlier this week and, as always, being away from the Motherland made me antsy.

Mainly because of The Big Buildings and All The People, but also because I am convinced that I am cursed and that a plague is poised to descend upon my house as soon as the train wheezes out of Darlington. (And not least because of the price of a plate of bacon and eggs: Ten pounds fifty, written like this: 10.5. I mean, come on!)

In my post-sudden death of husband angst, every time my phone wolf-whistled at me from my handbag I was convinced it was a text informing me that a key family member or beloved friend had been hospitalised or was deceased.

And news like that would come through via text – after all, it’s how I delivered news of Mark’s death to most of my friends. Which in retrospect seems heinously crass, but then, so is sudden death.

On hearing the whistle, I scrabbled about frantically among the receipts, bobbles and dog shit bags only to find it was my niece sending a picture of a puppy wearing a onesie entitled: ROFL!!!!

But aside from the terror induced by incoming messages, my phone also caused me to weep like Gazza this week with its tyrannous predictive text. Whilst searching for my Mother’s number (something I don’t have cause to do when I’m at home, bring that we’re attached at the hip), I entered the letter ‘M’ on the keypad. The phone helpfully suggested:

Mark Mobile

The number I had rehearsed for ten years came up on the little screen. I haven’t had the heart to erase it.

Erasing it, you see, indicates that you are somehow further towards the holy grail of Acceptance. But whilst my husband still exists on my phone and online, He continues to have a sort of metaphysical presence.

Which deluded as it may seem, is preferable to no presence at all.


14 thoughts on “ROFL?

  1. Honey i have all Steve’s contact details in my work contacts and my personal mobile and to be honest i’m sure i will ever delete them….. I’m with you… xxx

  2. I knew that bacon n eggs combo / pretentious pricing would make it into your blog, and rightly so. What a fecking rip off.

    In all seriousness: I know well that cursed feeling of which you speak; it’s godawful. I know too the saving of numbers and messages and how painful it is to see them – but even more painful is the thought of deleting them.

    Sending love as always, old friend,

    Watt X

  3. I still have G’s last texts on my phone and was traumatised when I accidentally deleted my call list as it had details of the last times we spoke by phone- mental I know but someone may want to quiz me on it at some point! I’m due a phone upgrade soon and don’t want to seem like a psycho when I demand the texts transfer to the new machine – but no doubt I will.

    Love visiting London, but with you on the rip off prices. Presumably the eggs were extracted by hand and the bacon was hand reared by fairies!

    Love and hugs xxx

    • Oh god, I got a new phone and lost two final messages from Mark, I was soooo upset. When he died I also tried to get Orange to unlock his phone so I could access his SIM card which had photos and messages on it, but they weren’t able to do it. It’s so devastating, in a ridiculous way!
      BTW, eggs came from the arse of the Golden Goose, bacon – yes, reared by fairies! XXX

  4. I still have the details in my phone and countless emails from a very dear friend of mine who we lost last year. Heck, I even sent him an email when it was his birthday…

    I would never consider deleting any of them. It would feel like I had cut him out – I totally see where you’re coming from.

    Cute picture by the way 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    • Aww, thank you Steven. I love the idea of emailing him on his birthday. I leave Mark messages on his Facebook page, and do keep his email account running. For what reason I don’t really know, but it makes me feel better to know he’s still out there in some form or another and that I can still communicate with him. Love and thanks for commenting. XXX

  5. I still have Ian’s mobile and work details in my phone and his email. I won’t ever delete. It’s too wrong. It would be like erasing him. I miss receiving texts from him. I was at work the other day and my friends mobile went off and she said ‘oh god it’s Steve’ (her husband) and I thought how lucky!! Xx

  6. I still have Howard’s details on my phone. I ring the number sometimes. I don’t know what I would do if somebody answered. Is it in the evening with a glass of wine sand read through our text messages.

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