Please send back my leg-warmers.

leg warmers photo from flickr by iluvrhinestones

leg warmers photo from flickr by iluvrhinestones (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sudden death of a spouse is fucking rude.

It waltzes into your life without invitation and gives you no opportunity for recourse. I want to tap it on the shoulder and say, excuse me but…fuck off. Can you come back in, say, 50 years time? And give us warning next time?

It brings to mind those excruciating moments when one ‘breaks up’ with a boyfriend. The build-up. The announcement. The returning of items which held so much weight at the time:

“Please send back my leg-warmers and the Belinda Carlisle album, asap.”

Sudden death affords no such luxury. One minute, the love of your life is alive. The next, they are dead. You have no chance for discussion, no build-up, no demands for significant items to be returned. Indeed, you are left to look through things belonging to your beloved and decide what is significant or not.

When M died, there were a couple of boxes of memorabilia I’d never seen. Not that He’d hidden them from me – we just hadn’t got round to them, as a couple.

I asked my oldest friend in the world to come and sort through them with me. Contained within were photos, letters and pictures that revealed a whole other side to my husband.

“What’s this photo of?”

“Who is this?”

“What does this mean?”

We spent an evening trying to decipher His life ‘before me’. Of course, we reached no conclusion. There were no answers, because the only person who could provide them was gone. So I have boxes full of unanswered questions in my loft.

I wish I had a few moments just to ask Him about the contents of those boxes. What? Who? When? Where?

But this is the nature of sudden death. It gives you no time.

Fucking rude.

7 thoughts on “Please send back my leg-warmers.

  1. This is the best comment iv’e so far come across for what happend to our husbands “Sudden death of a spouse is fucking rude” I do hope you don’t mind but i’m going to pinch it…. Love this post the best so far….. Karen

  2. Sudden death shows up, crashes the party, and kicks YOU to the curb, alone, shocked, appalled, and wondering what happened and why. It is fucking rude. While I haven’t lost my spouse in this way, I have lost others I was close to suddenly, in a blink, and that was bad enough. I could not imagine my life mate being snatched from the prime of life like that. I am so sorry, my friend. Sending you xxxHUGSxxx

    Um, is a ‘by-your-leave’ a kiss? What is cheek? As opposed to ‘cheeky’….sorry, I am dumb-ass yankee, lol.

    • By-your-leave means without asking, so for example if you left a dinner table half way through without excusing yourself first it would be rude and you would be taked about later “AND she left the table without so much as a by-your-leave terribly rude of her” !!!! it’s an old expression and to be honest mainly used UP NORTH! Cheek means, when some one pinches your car parking space when they saw you were going for it you would say “well she had a flipping cheek, she knew i was reversing into to it” Cheeky is normally only used for children and is a nice word, “ahhhh look at her cheeky face”…. I work with a lot of Americans and Europeans so am use to explaining our weird English sayings!!! Karen

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