Inverse proportionality: bereavement and wine

English: Alan Carr at The British Comedy Award...

English: Alan Carr at The British Comedy Awards 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My relationship with alcohol since losing M reminds me of the joke my Dad tells:
Fred: I drink to forget.

Jim: Forget what?

Fred: …I’ve forgotten.

Someone, somewhere, must have done a study into the relationship between alcohol consumption and bereavement. The level of shit one is going through at any given time is inversely proportional to the amount of wine drunk, and the sudden loss of a soul mate must be up there with the worst of the shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been an enthusiastic booze-guzzler (it’s genetic), but a bottle a night doesn’t now seem to touch the sides.

School pick-up comes around and I feel my taste buds agitating for the Rioja which I know is sitting on the kitchen bench back home. I do, however, wait until 5pm to start drinking – any earlier would seem indecent, especially on a weeknight. Perhaps even more indecent is the televisual viewing legacy I face the next day – I turn the box on and find the last channel it was tuned into was QVC. Or worse still, the one showing Alan Carr.

Drinking doesn’t make me forget, but it releases endorphins which make me believe I can cope with the enormity of the loss. Oddly, wine consumption brings a clarity of thought which is absent during the day. By morning though, I’ve forgotten what I was so clear about the night before and find myself referring to this blog to find out what the fuck I’m on about.

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4 thoughts on “Inverse proportionality: bereavement and wine

  1. I wonder how many other Widows/widowers would admit to this…. I have drank a bottle of wine nearly every night (sometimes more) since Steve my husband dropped dead 24th August 2012, i’ve been told by a friend i should go to AA….. I do not feel like i have a problem and suspect it will calm down but at the moment i look forward to opening the bottle once my 5 year old is in bed….. great blog btw xxxx

    • Hey Karen – so sorry for your loss, but it is comforting to know that there is someone else out there in the ether who understands this! I too do not feel like I have a problem and also suspect it will calm down. As my counsellor says, it is understandable that we behave in these ways… Thanks for commenting and for reading. Love to you. XXX

  2. Just wondering if the wine drinking has calmed down as time as elapsed? I ask because I’m a young widow, 4 months bereaved and indulge in wine most nights since the sudden death of my husband. Not sure if I’m doing right or wrong.

    Thanks,

    Ann

    • Hi Ann: Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. The drinking has abated slightly, but I would say this is more out of habit than as a response to grief. All I would say is that I would stop questionning it at the moment – at four months, just getting through the day is difficult enough. Sending you strength, Lucie x

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